A year later

I have now been back in the United states for a year. Just how that happened I'm not sure. It is difficult sometimes to differentiate between my lives. I have had a year to process everything and still find myself at a loss at certain moments. I miss England so terribly at times its almost painful. Its important that people understand that my life in the United States isn't so horrible that I need to leave, it is simply that my experience in England was so wonderful, so unique and (brace yourself for a cliche) life-changing. When you are thrust into a completely different culture (I don't care what anyone says, just because they speak English does not make them any less different from Americans) without knowing anyone, without knowing the city or how to get around, it really tests your fortitude. I have never had to navigate anything so completely on my own before. I didn't even know I could read a map!

I think about England all the time, I talk about England all the time. Its never far from my mind. I see things that remind me of England and I start to tear up. I remember the route to The Walkabout and watching rugby matches there and I feel.. forlorn, because I realize I can't just walk down the street and pop in for a pint when a match is on. I think about the people I used to see on a regular basis and feel slightly lost because I haven't seen them in months. Going to the grocery store is boring, I don't have to dodge angry businessmen in the narrow aisles (because the aisles aren't narrow) or snatch the last pot of yogurt from another student, or squeeze my overladen basket past the display of red noses for Comic Relief. I don't get to buy mini savoury eggs anymore, or Sainsbury's Taste the Difference Sea salt and Cider vinegar potato crisps (oh how I miss those) or the Sainsbury's caramel shortbreads (I really liked Sainsbury's). I miss walking down Whiteladies road and past the old methodist church, I miss stopping at Clifton Down Station for cheese and flavored water. I miss eating at Pret A manger, oh how I miss it! I miss the uneven sidewalks that I always tripped over after a night out. I miss riding on the number 54 bus and watching the town go by. I miss seeing the sign for Pen park road and knowing I was almost home. I miss sitting in the Greenhouse with my pint and the girls and Sky Sports News in the background. I miss popping over to Jayne's and sitting with her and the cats watching the British version of Cops. I miss telling Sarah and Louis about my day. I miss Boots and her stupid meow to get out even after her cat door was installed. I miss Gregg's bakery and flapjacks and sausage rolls. I miss arguing with Jack about how to pronounce things. I miss Geraint's crazy Welsh accent, and Paul H's greetings 'Alroight Miss 'enry?!" and Paul G's sarcasm, oh I miss Paul's sarcasm, and watching the 6N at the Rising Sun with Chris and Laurie and Luke and Harry and Jon and George (sometimes). I miss sitting on a bench in Brandon Hill park and watching the pigeons fight over pieces of my pasty. I MISS PASTIES! I miss the smell of England; it was the smell of rain, and baking bread and tea and Sarah's laundry detergent and fresh air, and green, it smelled green. I miss the frantic speed walks to the bus stop because I was running late, and the dodgy god-only-knows-whats in the alley on the way to the bus stop. I miss the friendly North African bus driver that always dropped me off closer to my street than he needed to late at night. I even miss the annoying charity workers that always tried to get me to donate to their charities even though I couldn't because I wasn't a UK citizen. I miss going to Spoons, and Syndicate, and the Roo Bar, and Oceana, and Lab, and Vodka Rev (and seeing Fit Bouncer) and the Elbow Room. I miss the adverts for Comparethemarket.com and that stupid Meerkat. I miss hearing people say "aye that's gurt lush me babbers". I miss the men that worked at Jason Donervan calling me "my darling" in a non-creepy way. I miss the incredible tranquility of Bristol Cathedral. I miss the ancient, creaky doors that led into the lecture hall. I miss Monica's crazy laugh, and Liz's little nuggets of wisdom, and Cara's excited face. I miss the McCooster! I miss wandering around Broadmead and Cabot Circus, and running into Kirk! I miss the weird fashion statements and funny haircuts. I miss people saying things like "I just couldn't be bothered" or "I'm only taking the piss!" (I heard that a lot since people were always taking the piss out of me...) or "Oh aye, its grreat". I miss walking by Banksy's art work every day. I miss going into the museum and art galleries, the tranquility of it calming me instantly. I miss my weekly walks around the city, the buildings, the people, I miss it so much its hard to breathe sometimes. The affection I developed for Bristol is overwhelming when I think about it.

I realize no point in my life is ever going to be the same, even if/when I go back to England, and that just makes me miss it even more.